4th Round

Interesting that the series of chemo treatments are called "rounds" because after each round I feel like my body has been through a boxing match.  Each round has come with discomfort, fatigue, sickness, and tears, but this 4th round seemed to deliver some knockout punches that have left me down for the count for a while.

New to this round were muscle aches and soreness like I have never experienced--it was unsettling to realize that I had done nothing physical to warrant such feeling, yet my body was producing lactic acid in response to either the chemo or the Neulasta shot.  My hands were red and splotchy and looked like they had been burned (only from the inside out).  I have felt this burning sensation in my whole digestive tract and even heart burn which I have never had before.  Usually by the time I go in a week later (after the chemo) and the nurses ask me how I feel I can honestly say "okay."  This time when I went in the following week for the Herceptin, the nurse asked me how I was feeling and I just started to cry.  I showed her my hands and complained about the heart burn and she said "Can I give you a hug?"           It was quite embarrassing--in all of my weekly trips to the doctor I have NEVER seen anyone cry while getting chemo.  My favorite nurse noticed I was crying and came over to talk to me...she was very attentive and offered to get some prescriptions from the doctor that might help.  I then asked her "Do people ever recover from this?"  She said "Yes, but it takes some time."

That is what I am doing right now--trying to recover and get geared up for the next round.  It feels as if I am in the ring with my hands tied behind my back and unable to defend myself from the blows of the chemo...some of which I would argue are "low blows."  I hope and pray that if there are any cancer cells in me, the chemo will find its way to them and score a big KO.  One thing I know for sure is that I couldn't do this without all the people in my corner helping me in this fight.

I have heard it said that we should look for the "wows" amid life's "ows" (or painful times).  Some of the wows I have seen this past couple weeks:

--My parents and siblings and their families had planned a campout to celebrate the 4th of July and my mom's birthday.  Since it was planned for over a week after chemo we thought our little family would be able to go.  The night before, I was still not feeling well at all and our hopes of being able to go started to fade.  Upon receiving a priesthood blessing, I felt well enough to go and was able to enjoy a wonderful weekend with my family.

--My children have impressed me with their ability to step up their game!  They are getting much better at helping out around the house.  Eden is so thoughtful and is always drawing me pictures and writing notes.   Emerie has seen my dad give me foot rubs and loves to help me by giving me a foot rub.  Bennett has made a conscious effort to do things the first time he is asked--his work ethic is really improving.  Carson continues to be the hard worker he has always been--and he does it without complaint.

--My birthday was in June and I felt well enough to go on a bike ride with Chad and the kids and we had a camp out in our backyard.

--An inspired visiting teacher gave me a book called Heaven is Here by Stephanie Nielson.  I could really relate to this mother of 4 who experienced significant challenges as she struggled to recover from a crash that burned 80% of her body.  Her faith and her ability to do hard things was inspiring to me.

This video explains her amazing story!

Our neighbor has a daughter in law who had breast cancer--she gave me these awesome boxing gloves!!!