Smiles and Strength

Today I am all smiles.  I have completed 5 rounds of chemotherapy and have 1 more to go!  I feel so grateful that the 5th round went better than the last one.  I have definitely felt strength beyond my own.  Today I feel great--I went to church and felt the Spirit so strong.

I have been thinking of a blog entry from a friend of mine.  She wrote about motherhood and commented that being a happy mom when her kids were being obedient, kind, etc. was so easy---"even a monkey could do it!" The challenge comes when the situation is not ideal--not what we had hoped for or wanted.  It is easy for me to smile when I feel good and things are going well. Congratulations. A monkey can do that!:)

The true test of our character comes when things are not going well--we don't feel well, the kids are disobedient/tired/whiny, trials come along etc.  My Grandma Buhrley is a great example of smiles and strength in difficult situations.  My Grandma Buhrley was born in Cherry Creek Idaho and grew up on a farm.  It was a lot of hard work and she decided after high school that she wanted to try city life....she moved to Salt Lake City.  There she met and married my Grandpa.  She supported him in his dream to be a farmer--even though she admitted herself that she had been hoping to escape farm life by moving to the city.  It is interesting to hear my dad and his siblings talk about their "vacations" to go into town to see the dentist.  "You see" my dad told us "cows don't take a vacation and need to be milked each morning and night." So, they would occasionally do day trips.  After dairy farming for years, they sold the cows and the machinery and eagerly anticipated an opportunity to serve a mission.  After a few short months of serving in Germany, they returned home due to problems with my grandpa's health.  Quoting my uncle Roger from my grandpa's funeral a few years back "He (my grandpa) became ill with depression while serving in Germany.  His family and close friends were baffled by this turn of events.  He had lived 69 years as one of the most positive, outgoing, cheerful individuals on the planet.  We were soon to learn the the affliction of depression is no respecter of persons, that it is a chemical imbalance and not a condition of self-induced despair.  He lived the last 19 years of his life battling lethargy and the feelings of inadequacy that the illness of depression brings."  Battling this condition along with him was my angel Grandma.  She didn't complain and rarely left his side during those nineteen years--it seems to me she left only for funerals and weddings.  She was his caregiver day in and day out and endured this challenge so well--with her sense of humor and optimism still in tact.  I think of her often, especially on days when I don't feel well and the tears are many and the smiles are few.  She has since passed away as well and I draw much strength from her great example.

I also admire how my Grandma Rasmussen took care of her husband and my grandpa her whole life--but especially the last couple years as his health declined.  She was patient and kind and loving despite less than ideal conditions.  She never ceased to be a devoted wife and friend to him and cared for him with great compassion.  She too has shown great strength in difficult circumstances.

This poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox makes me think of my angel grandmothers and others that I have watched endure adversity with hope and optimism:

It is easy enough to be pleasant,

When life flows by like a song,

But the man worth while is one who will smile,

When everything goes dead wrong.

For the test of the heart is trouble,

And it always comes with the years,

And the smile that is worth the praises of earth

Is the smile that shines through tears.