The day before my first round of chemotherapy was filled with appointments of all kinds. The first appointment was at the oncologist's office to discuss insurance things. Chad and I drove separately so he could head back to work as soon as we were finished. As I drove, I was thinking that we were running behind and would for sure be late because the road to the office is filled with traffic lights... I was also thinking about the next day, knowing we would be driving the same road to my first round of the chemo. Surprisingly, we hit green light after green light. I began to notice this about half way into the drive and became more interested if the trend would continue. It did continue, the entire way to the office--I don't even think I had to brake. We were, in fact, right on time and pulled up to the office to find 2 parking spaces, side by side, waiting for us. It seemed a small thing but it was very significant to me. I felt that God was communicating to me that although we had to travel this road (that wasn't going to change) He would help us along the entire stretch and not forget us and He would provide many green lights along the way to help us along in our journey.
I was hoping to find out the results of the AQUA test so I could be mentally prepared for the chemo regimen I would be receiving--but the results were not in yet. The next day, it was quite a surreal experience to gather up my chemo gear. I have received some thoughtful care packages with mints, Sudoku books, blankets, snacks, etc. for this occasion and I put the items in a bag to take with me. Chad put the lidocaine on my port to numb it and we put the Saran Wrap over it, just like we had been told to do. I took some anti-nausea medication, dropped Emerie off at my mom's, and off we went.
They were super busy and running behind so we had lots of time to spend in the waiting room. Chad and I were the youngest in the room and I was interested to watch people size us up in the waiting room. I think Chad received the sympathetic looks as they probably assumed it was him going through chemotherapy with his shaved head and all.
We finally got called back and they STILL had not received the test results!!! When the doctor walked in a while later he plopped the freshly faxed test results in our laps...I was HER2 positive!!! I truly had not gotten my hopes up either way, but Chad's reaction was almost giddy. He was shocked, surprised, and happy. In essence, this means that they have more ammo against the cancer cells and can use chemo and Herceptin to fight them. The doctor informed me that this means I would have 6 rounds of chemo (carboplatin/taxotere) every 3 weeks and Herceptin (antibodies that bind to the HER2 receptors) weekly for 1 year. My favorite thing to think about is that instead of 16 rounds of chemo I would be doing 6... It's roughly the same amount of time, just spread out more and hopefully a bit less harsh.
It was great news to have and provided a sense of relief--I think we almost skipped into the treatment room. (The mental image of a HUGE green light came to my mind) Another mental thing that helped me--the new meds would be clear and not red :)
Another interesting tidbit the test provided was it tested how fast the cells were proliferating or dividing at a range from 0%---100%. It reported that breast cancer cells typically are in the 5%-10% range. My cells were doing this at an 80% rate. This was sobering to me to think that the tumor was sooo aggressive. Aggressive is good in sports--not in cancer. But it also made me so grateful that we found it in the window of time that we did!!!
We finally got in and settled around 12:30 p.m. and did not get finished until 5:30 p.m. (Thank you to our ward for arranging meals as it was such a blessing to have a delicious dinner waiting for us when we got home!) In addition to the chemo and herceptin, I received other drugs to help with potential allergic reactions and to help with some of the side effects. Accessing the port was not painful as I had worried it might be. The nurses warned that day 3,4, and 5 tended to be rough after all the supportive medications have worn off. The day after each round, I will need a Neulasta shot to boost production of white blood cells. This comes with side effects of its own--bone aches and perhaps fever.
We are so grateful for all the kindness being shown to us. Well, it feels good to say one down and only 5 more to go!!!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Harsh Reality
Let's face it--the whole breast cancer journey seems a bit harsh. Within days of finding out that I had breast cancer, I had calls from complete strangers and nice letters from complete strangers saying that they had been through breast cancer and would love to help me out in any way with advice or going to doctor appointments or whatever. I honestly felt so touched, but at that point I felt like saying "Thank you so much for your acceptance and kindness to me, but I would rather not be a member of this club, the breast cancer club." I believe that the "breast cancer gang" is a more fitting description. Gangs have brutal initiations (surgery, chemo, head shaving), gang colors (pink), and gang signs (pink ribbon). Gangs also have your back--as evidenced by the kindness of the members who have already been initiated into the gang. At times as I have faced the reality of this all, the only thought that comes to my mind is "This whole process seems so harsh!"
The day before my surgery as some of these harsh realities were really settling in, I decided that I wanted to buy a picture of the Savior to hang in our bedroom. I found one that I loved and then I noticed that this particular picture the artist had entitled his work "Gentle Healer". It was perfect! It was a good reminder that although the world and things we experience here are, at times, harsh---the Savior is not. He is gentle, loving, and kind.
With a triple negative breast cancer, the doctors have little ammo besides chemotherapy to kill and mop up cancer cells. Because of this, they do very aggressive and harsh treatments knowing that chemo is all they have. For me, this means having what they call A/C (adremyocin/cytoxin) also known as the Red Devil because of it's red color. That little nickname for those drugs did not give me warm fuzzies. I was having a hard time stomaching red toxins slowly drip from my IV into the port that is in my chest wall. I am also very aware of the nasty short term side effects and potential long term side effects of these life saving drugs. The following story helped me understand how my prayers to avoid chemotherapy could be changed to prayers for help, increased strength, and even bodily adaptation and increased tolerance to the chemotherapy drugs. (I have underlined and bolded the sentiments that seem especially applicable to me)
In the April 2012 Ensign, there is an article entitled "The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality", by Elder David Bednar. In it he teaches this:
The day before my surgery as some of these harsh realities were really settling in, I decided that I wanted to buy a picture of the Savior to hang in our bedroom. I found one that I loved and then I noticed that this particular picture the artist had entitled his work "Gentle Healer". It was perfect! It was a good reminder that although the world and things we experience here are, at times, harsh---the Savior is not. He is gentle, loving, and kind.
With a triple negative breast cancer, the doctors have little ammo besides chemotherapy to kill and mop up cancer cells. Because of this, they do very aggressive and harsh treatments knowing that chemo is all they have. For me, this means having what they call A/C (adremyocin/cytoxin) also known as the Red Devil because of it's red color. That little nickname for those drugs did not give me warm fuzzies. I was having a hard time stomaching red toxins slowly drip from my IV into the port that is in my chest wall. I am also very aware of the nasty short term side effects and potential long term side effects of these life saving drugs. The following story helped me understand how my prayers to avoid chemotherapy could be changed to prayers for help, increased strength, and even bodily adaptation and increased tolerance to the chemotherapy drugs. (I have underlined and bolded the sentiments that seem especially applicable to me)
In the April 2012 Ensign, there is an article entitled "The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality", by Elder David Bednar. In it he teaches this:
Examples of the enabling power are not found only in the scriptures. Daniel W. Jones was born in 1830 in Missouri, and he joined the Church in California in 1851. In 1856 he participated in the rescue of handcart companies that were stranded in Wyoming by severe snowstorms. After the rescue party had found the suffering Saints, provided what immediate comfort they could, and made arrangements for the sick and the feeble to be transported to Salt Lake City, Daniel and several other young men volunteered to remain with and safeguard the company’s possessions. The food and supplies left with Daniel and his colleagues were meager and rapidly expended. The following quote from Daniel Jones’s personal journal describes the events that followed.
“Game soon became so scarce that we could kill nothing. We ate all the poor meat; one would get hungry eating it. Finally that was all gone, nothing now but hides were left. We made a trial of them. A lot was cooked and eaten without any seasoning and it made the whole company sick. …
“Things looked dark, for nothing remained but the poor raw hides taken from starved cattle. We asked the Lord to direct us what to do. The brethren did not murmur, but felt to trust in God. … Finally I was impressed how to fix the stuff and gave the company advice, telling them how to cook it; for them to scorch and scrape the hair off; this had a tendency to kill and purify the bad taste that scalding gave it. After scraping, boil one hour in plenty of water, throwing the water away which had extracted all the glue, then wash and scrape the hide thoroughly, washing in cold water, then boil to a jelly and let it get cold, and then eat with a little sugar sprinkled on it. This was considerable trouble, but we had little else to do and it was better than starving.
“We asked the Lord to bless our stomachs and adapt them to this food. … On eating now all seemed to relish the feast. We were three days without eating before this second attempt was made. We enjoyed this sumptuous fare for about six weeks.”3
In the article, Elder Bednar comments on the story saying:
"In those circumstances I probably would have prayed for something else to eat: “Heavenly Father, please send me a quail or a buffalo.” It likely would not have occurred to me to pray that my stomach would be strengthened and adapted to the food we had. What did Daniel W. Jones know? He knew about the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He did not pray that his circumstances would be changed. He prayed that he would be strengthened to deal with his circumstances. Just as Alma and his people, Amulek, and Nephi were strengthened, Daniel W. Jones had the spiritual insight to know what to ask for in that prayer.
The enabling power of the Atonement of Christ strengthens us to do things we could never do on our own. Sometimes I wonder if in our latter-day world of ease—in our world of microwave ovens and cell phones and air-conditioned cars and comfortable homes—we ever learn to acknowledge our daily dependence upon the enabling power of the Atonement." ("The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality", by Elder David Bednar)
We are trying not to murmur but trust in God! Chad and I are praying to be strengthened to deal with the circumstances we are in and praying that my body will adapt to this medicine and be able to recover from its effects!
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
INCREDIBLE
Three days before my cancer diagnosis, Elder David Bednar gave a CES Devotional entitled "That We May Not Shrink". His talk was about facing trials with faith and it focused on the specific trial of cancer. He shared this experience from Elder Neal A. Maxwell's experience with cancer: " As Elder Maxwell and his wife were driving to the hospital in January of 1997, on the day he was scheduled to begin his first round of treatment, they pulled into the parking lot and paused for a private moment together. Elder Maxwell “breathed a deep sigh and looked at [his wife]. He reached for her hand and said … , ‘I just don’t want to shrink’” (Bruce C. Hafen, A Disciple’s Life: The Biography of Neal A. Maxwell [2002], 16)."
Elder Bednar also shared an excerpt from one of Neal A. Maxwell's conference addresses: "In his October 1997 general conference message, entitled “Apply the Atoning Blood of Christ,” Elder Maxwell taught with great authenticity: “As we confront our own … trials and tribulations, we too can plead with the Father, just as Jesus did, that we ‘might not … shrink’—meaning to retreat or to recoil (D&C 19:18). Not shrinking is much more important than surviving! Moreover, partaking of a bitter cup without becoming bitter is likewise part of the emulation of Jesus” (Ensign, Nov. 1997, 22).
I also liked this thought on faith from Elder Bednar's talk:
He spoke of a young couple and their fight against cancer. He shared insights from their journals and from his interaction with them. I believe that the couple in the video below is that couple he spoke of. If not, the stories are extremely similar. This video from YouTube is entitled Finding the Incredible: What Cancer and Trials Can Teach Us:
Here is another woman who is an inspiration to me! A perfect example of drinking a bitter cup, without becoming bitter!
Elder Bednar also shared an excerpt from one of Neal A. Maxwell's conference addresses: "In his October 1997 general conference message, entitled “Apply the Atoning Blood of Christ,” Elder Maxwell taught with great authenticity: “As we confront our own … trials and tribulations, we too can plead with the Father, just as Jesus did, that we ‘might not … shrink’—meaning to retreat or to recoil (D&C 19:18). Not shrinking is much more important than surviving! Moreover, partaking of a bitter cup without becoming bitter is likewise part of the emulation of Jesus” (Ensign, Nov. 1997, 22).
I also liked this thought on faith from Elder Bednar's talk:
He spoke of a young couple and their fight against cancer. He shared insights from their journals and from his interaction with them. I believe that the couple in the video below is that couple he spoke of. If not, the stories are extremely similar. This video from YouTube is entitled Finding the Incredible: What Cancer and Trials Can Teach Us:
Here is another woman who is an inspiration to me! A perfect example of drinking a bitter cup, without becoming bitter!
Sunday, April 21, 2013
How Firm a Foundation
A tradition within the tradition of Family Home Evening has developed in our family--the opening song that we always sing is "The Wise Man Built His House on a Rock." We have told the kids the story of how Chad's dad was building a home just up the street from where we live now. He had put months of effort into building and preparing the foundation for the new home. The foundation began to sink and crack when he realized that the foundation that he was building on was an unstable one--due to some peat moss in the area. Months of hard work and effort, not to mention time and cost of materials were lost, and he had to begin again on a new lot--one with a strong foundation for him to build upon. Each week we have sung this song complete with the fun actions that go along with the lyrics:
"The wise man built his house upon the rock,
The wise man built his house upon the rock,
The wise man built his house upon the rock,
And the rains came tumbling down.
Oh the rains came down and the floods came up.
The rains came down and the floods came up.
The rains came down and the floods came up.
And the house on the rock stood still."
The foolish man built his house upon the sand.
The foolish man built his house upon the sand.
The foolish man built his house upon the sand.
And the rains came tumbling down.
Oh the rains came down and the floods came up.
The rains came down and the floods came up.
The rains came down and the floods came up.
And the house on the sand washed away."
It is Christ that we must build our foundation on. In the Book of Mormon in Helaman 5:12 we read:
12 And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon thearock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your bfoundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty cstorm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.
Christ is our ONLY sure foundation. Everything else is fleeting, unstable, and eventually crumbles.
The day after we found out about the cancer, the kids wanted to stay home from school. That evening we had been a little housebound and decided to drive to Temple Square. We went through the gates and a man stopped to tell us that the Tabernacle Choir was practicing and that we could go listen to them if we wanted. I said a silent prayer in my heart that the hymns they were singing would offer our family some comfort. We walked in and the choir was singing "How Firm a Foundation." We came in right on the 2nd verse which says:
2. In every condition in sickness, in health,,
In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth,
At home or abroad, on the land or the sea--
As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand,
As thy days may demand so thy succor shall be.
3. Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,--
Upheld by my righteous, Upheld by my righteous,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.
4. When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee overflow,
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee. And sanctify to thee,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
5. When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient,shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, Thy dross to consume,
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
6. E'en down to old age, all my people shall prove
My sov'reign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs shall they still, Like lambs shall they still,
Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.
7. The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never,no never, I'll never, no never,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!
Needless to say--my prayer was answered in a miraculous way! These words were such a comfort to us and continue to provide comfort. I especially like the "as thy days may demand so thy succor shall be." The word succor means--assistance and support in times of hardship and distress. I have felt Him succor us and the Spirit assured me that our Savior does not just support people in the beginning of their trials; He will provide succor or support or help as each day demands--personalized help for whatever the challenge of that day may be!!!!
When our family gets overwhelmed, sad, or discouraged at the road that lies immediately ahead of us, in other words, when the rains are coming down and the floods are coming up--we get out the hymn book and sing all 7 verses of this song to remind us of the wonderful promises to those who have faith in Jesus Christ and put all their trust, hope, and faith in Him who has power to deliver! This inevitably brings a calm and peaceful feeling in our hearts and strengthens our foundation of faith.
I will be starting chemo in a few days and it is as if the Lord is continually trying to remind us of His promise to strengthen us, succor us, be with us, and never forget us--through the words of this song. On Wednesday I attended a stake fireside for the youth and we sang How Firm a Foundation for the closing song. Chad said they sang it yesterday at a priest/laurel retreat he attended and this morning, in a ward leadership meeting he was attending, and today as the opening hymn in our sacrament meeting!
"The wise man built his house upon the rock,
The wise man built his house upon the rock,
The wise man built his house upon the rock,
And the rains came tumbling down.
Oh the rains came down and the floods came up.
The rains came down and the floods came up.
The rains came down and the floods came up.
And the house on the rock stood still."
The foolish man built his house upon the sand.
The foolish man built his house upon the sand.
The foolish man built his house upon the sand.
And the rains came tumbling down.
Oh the rains came down and the floods came up.
The rains came down and the floods came up.
The rains came down and the floods came up.
And the house on the sand washed away."
It is Christ that we must build our foundation on. In the Book of Mormon in Helaman 5:12 we read:
12 And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon thearock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your bfoundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty cstorm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.
Christ is our ONLY sure foundation. Everything else is fleeting, unstable, and eventually crumbles.
The day after we found out about the cancer, the kids wanted to stay home from school. That evening we had been a little housebound and decided to drive to Temple Square. We went through the gates and a man stopped to tell us that the Tabernacle Choir was practicing and that we could go listen to them if we wanted. I said a silent prayer in my heart that the hymns they were singing would offer our family some comfort. We walked in and the choir was singing "How Firm a Foundation." We came in right on the 2nd verse which says:
2. In every condition in sickness, in health,,
In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth,
At home or abroad, on the land or the sea--
As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand,
As thy days may demand so thy succor shall be.
3. Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,--
Upheld by my righteous, Upheld by my righteous,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.
4. When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee overflow,
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee. And sanctify to thee,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
5. When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient,shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, Thy dross to consume,
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
6. E'en down to old age, all my people shall prove
My sov'reign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs shall they still, Like lambs shall they still,
Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.
7. The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never,no never, I'll never, no never,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!
Needless to say--my prayer was answered in a miraculous way! These words were such a comfort to us and continue to provide comfort. I especially like the "as thy days may demand so thy succor shall be." The word succor means--assistance and support in times of hardship and distress. I have felt Him succor us and the Spirit assured me that our Savior does not just support people in the beginning of their trials; He will provide succor or support or help as each day demands--personalized help for whatever the challenge of that day may be!!!!
When our family gets overwhelmed, sad, or discouraged at the road that lies immediately ahead of us, in other words, when the rains are coming down and the floods are coming up--we get out the hymn book and sing all 7 verses of this song to remind us of the wonderful promises to those who have faith in Jesus Christ and put all their trust, hope, and faith in Him who has power to deliver! This inevitably brings a calm and peaceful feeling in our hearts and strengthens our foundation of faith.
I will be starting chemo in a few days and it is as if the Lord is continually trying to remind us of His promise to strengthen us, succor us, be with us, and never forget us--through the words of this song. On Wednesday I attended a stake fireside for the youth and we sang How Firm a Foundation for the closing song. Chad said they sang it yesterday at a priest/laurel retreat he attended and this morning, in a ward leadership meeting he was attending, and today as the opening hymn in our sacrament meeting!
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Fear Vs. Faith
Fear seems to come easily to me...It motivates many of my decisions--to wear a life jacket in a lake, to put on a seatbelt in a car,(and to insist that Chad and the kids do the same), to keep my hands at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel (and to gently and lovingly ask Chad to do the same:), to check and re-check my doors at night, to head for safety at the first signs of lightning. In the cases, I just mentioned, I believe that fear has served me well. However, I realize it also crosses the line at times and becomes a huge hindrance to my progression. I guess you could say I am a little like Bob Wiley in What About Bob when he is standing out on the dock to the lake. They want him to go to the edge of the dock, and as he inches out closer to the edge he stops about 5 feet short of the actual edge and says "This is MY edge!" My edge is about like that... (PS "What About Bob" is not the ONLY movie I have ever seen)
A funny story just came to mind that reveals a lot about my personality. In high school, a well-meaning cousin (who shall remain nameless to protect her identity) encouraged me to go tanning with her. I resisted at first citing various concerns including skin cancer, etc. Well, somehow she talked me into it, and so I did what any teenager would do before going tanning would do--I applied sunscreen over my entire body! I paid my $10 or whatever it was and laid in the tanning bed for no more than 60 seconds and jumped out and exclaimed "I can't do this!" I felt that I was literally cooking my body! A big waste of money, time, and sunscreen!!!
Needless to say that dealing with cancer and the treatments required is constantly pushing me over my edge! I think that this is why I really liked the Mormon Message entitled "Courage". It shows Esther when she decides to go and petition the king, on behalf of the Jews, despite the fact that doing such could mean a death sentence for her. I like how they depict her in the short clip. You can tell she is experiencing some fear and some trepidation. She is taking deep breaths and nervously twisting a scarf in her hands, BUT she is moving forward with it. She is experiencing some fear, but faith is winning that day because she is moving forward. Faith IS forward. Faith and fear can coexist, but is it our FAITH that must rule the day and move us forward. An Apostle of the Lord, Quentin L. Cook put it this way.
"Our doctrine is clear; we are to be positive and of good cheer. We emphasize our faith, not our fears. We rejoice in the Lord’s assurance that He will stand by us and give us guidance and direction.2"
We must emphasize our faith and not our fears! I have felt this fear/faith pendulum swing widely throughout this process. I will never forget that Tuesday night when my fear was at its height--I wanted to go backwards, shrink, hide, and run. Obviously fear ruled that day. But then the morning came, and manna from heaven in the form of a Mormon Message came bolstering my faith and reminding me of the love of my Father in Heaven--- giving me the strength to move forward with increased faith.
A funny story just came to mind that reveals a lot about my personality. In high school, a well-meaning cousin (who shall remain nameless to protect her identity) encouraged me to go tanning with her. I resisted at first citing various concerns including skin cancer, etc. Well, somehow she talked me into it, and so I did what any teenager would do before going tanning would do--I applied sunscreen over my entire body! I paid my $10 or whatever it was and laid in the tanning bed for no more than 60 seconds and jumped out and exclaimed "I can't do this!" I felt that I was literally cooking my body! A big waste of money, time, and sunscreen!!!
Needless to say that dealing with cancer and the treatments required is constantly pushing me over my edge! I think that this is why I really liked the Mormon Message entitled "Courage". It shows Esther when she decides to go and petition the king, on behalf of the Jews, despite the fact that doing such could mean a death sentence for her. I like how they depict her in the short clip. You can tell she is experiencing some fear and some trepidation. She is taking deep breaths and nervously twisting a scarf in her hands, BUT she is moving forward with it. She is experiencing some fear, but faith is winning that day because she is moving forward. Faith IS forward. Faith and fear can coexist, but is it our FAITH that must rule the day and move us forward. An Apostle of the Lord, Quentin L. Cook put it this way.
"Our doctrine is clear; we are to be positive and of good cheer. We emphasize our faith, not our fears. We rejoice in the Lord’s assurance that He will stand by us and give us guidance and direction.2"
We must emphasize our faith and not our fears! I have felt this fear/faith pendulum swing widely throughout this process. I will never forget that Tuesday night when my fear was at its height--I wanted to go backwards, shrink, hide, and run. Obviously fear ruled that day. But then the morning came, and manna from heaven in the form of a Mormon Message came bolstering my faith and reminding me of the love of my Father in Heaven--- giving me the strength to move forward with increased faith.
Treatment Update
We met with the oncologist today to go over treatment options and set things up for chemotherapy. I gained a lot of appreciation for people who choose this profession. He came in and looked at us and said, "Why didn't I become an OB? They make people happy and hand babies to them!" I added that OB's sometimes get the privilege of getting photos taken of them with the happy new parents and baby. I assured him that if it made him feel better we would take a picture of him and put it in our scrapbook, too!!! I told him that I was personally grateful for his sacrifices to become an oncologist--and I am. He has an incredibly difficult job to do everyday and I am sure it takes it toll on him.
The purpose of chemotherapy to "mop up" any micro cancer cells that may be left and that are undetected on the PET scan. Unfortunately, the receptor results were not available yet so he couldn't give us a definitive treatment plan today. To give time for them get those results back, he set my first chemo treatment for 2 weeks from now. We looked at two different potential plans. One involves a series of drugs that will be administered every 2 weeks for 4 rounds. The day after the chemo I would come back in to get a shot to boost white blood cell count. Following the 4 rounds I would go in weekly for a drug called Taxol, for 12 weeks. One of the side effects of Taxol is some neuropathy--so they stick your hands and feet in ice during the infusions to constrict blood flow to your extremities. Right now, my receptors look like they are triple negative; however, one of the receptors (HER2) is slightly positive so that is the one they want to send and have what is called an Aqua Test done on it. The doctor said he has two patients right now who were slightly positive and after this test the results revealed it was a true positive. This changes the treatment plan if that is the case with me. The beginning of the treatment would be similar--2 to 2 1/2 months of chemo; however, after that I would go in weekly for about 1 hour and get intravenous Herceptin. I would have to do this for 1 year. This is what the Mayo Clinic website says about the drug: Trastuzumab (Herceptin). Trastuzumab, which specifically targets HER2, kills these cancer cells and decreases the risk of recurrence. Trastuzumab is often used with chemotherapy.
The doctor explained that the Herceptin is basically mice antibodies that target the HER2 receptor, attach to the cancer cell, and kill it. I asked about side effects and he said some people get itchy, and he jokingly added, "You may grow a little tail." I responded with, "That would be fine--I already have whiskers."
With my limited understanding, the second option sounded better to me--side effects wise. However, I don't understand or know all the implications and I am putting all my trust in Heavenly Father, knowing that He knows what is best for me.
I was happy to have the doctor confirm that radiation would not be necessary! The 3 mm margin on the tumor was good enough. He also expressed some surprise that my blood test showed no anemia following the surgery. To me, this next step of chemo therapy seems most daunting; however, through the surgery and recovery I have felt and experienced the strengthening power of the Atonement--and my trust and faith in my Savior has grown and I KNOW that He will help my family and me carry these and all burdens if we exercise our faith in Him and in His power to deliver! I am so grateful for that and I am grateful for all the fasting and prayers on my behalf! I know that those prayers have been heard and answered in miraculous ways.
The purpose of chemotherapy to "mop up" any micro cancer cells that may be left and that are undetected on the PET scan. Unfortunately, the receptor results were not available yet so he couldn't give us a definitive treatment plan today. To give time for them get those results back, he set my first chemo treatment for 2 weeks from now. We looked at two different potential plans. One involves a series of drugs that will be administered every 2 weeks for 4 rounds. The day after the chemo I would come back in to get a shot to boost white blood cell count. Following the 4 rounds I would go in weekly for a drug called Taxol, for 12 weeks. One of the side effects of Taxol is some neuropathy--so they stick your hands and feet in ice during the infusions to constrict blood flow to your extremities. Right now, my receptors look like they are triple negative; however, one of the receptors (HER2) is slightly positive so that is the one they want to send and have what is called an Aqua Test done on it. The doctor said he has two patients right now who were slightly positive and after this test the results revealed it was a true positive. This changes the treatment plan if that is the case with me. The beginning of the treatment would be similar--2 to 2 1/2 months of chemo; however, after that I would go in weekly for about 1 hour and get intravenous Herceptin. I would have to do this for 1 year. This is what the Mayo Clinic website says about the drug: Trastuzumab (Herceptin). Trastuzumab, which specifically targets HER2, kills these cancer cells and decreases the risk of recurrence. Trastuzumab is often used with chemotherapy.
The doctor explained that the Herceptin is basically mice antibodies that target the HER2 receptor, attach to the cancer cell, and kill it. I asked about side effects and he said some people get itchy, and he jokingly added, "You may grow a little tail." I responded with, "That would be fine--I already have whiskers."
With my limited understanding, the second option sounded better to me--side effects wise. However, I don't understand or know all the implications and I am putting all my trust in Heavenly Father, knowing that He knows what is best for me.
I was happy to have the doctor confirm that radiation would not be necessary! The 3 mm margin on the tumor was good enough. He also expressed some surprise that my blood test showed no anemia following the surgery. To me, this next step of chemo therapy seems most daunting; however, through the surgery and recovery I have felt and experienced the strengthening power of the Atonement--and my trust and faith in my Savior has grown and I KNOW that He will help my family and me carry these and all burdens if we exercise our faith in Him and in His power to deliver! I am so grateful for that and I am grateful for all the fasting and prayers on my behalf! I know that those prayers have been heard and answered in miraculous ways.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
PET Scan
This morning we got up at the crack of dawn to get a PET scan for any signs of cancer elsewhere in the body. In preparation for this I had to eat protein and NO carbohydrates yesterday. Not an easy task seeing that most everything, including fruits and veggies, has carbs in it. I also couldn't exercise or be too active yesterday--I may or may not have taken advantage of that--I think that cleaning DEFINITELY could have put the results of this scan at risk so I resisted the temptation to mop the floor and do the laundry. The hospital had a new machine, 2-3 weeks old, and I was really happy because I guess the new machine cuts down radiation exposure by 1/3. I drank some stuff (radio isotope--maybe??) and got to lay in a dark room for about 40 minutes in a recliner to relax before the scan. Apparently it's important to be calm through this thing. The scan was not bad at all--it was quiet and I just closed my eyes and tried to be still and be as photogenic as possible.
We got the results back and it is GOOD NEWS! No other signs of cancer... I am taking things one day at a time so I hadn't worried too much about the results until after the scan, so it was nice to get the results back. Next week, we will take the information from the surgery (pathology updates on the surgery: No lymph nodes affected by the cancer--tumor actually 1.4 cm instead of 1.7 cm--receptor status pending) and the scan and the oncologist will come up with a treatment plan. The surgeon said that if I were older they would maybe not have to do chemo given the outcome of the surgery, but since I have a good 60+ years to live they would be more aggressive and do chemotherapy.
When the kids got home from school, they burst through the door and asked "How did the scan go?" I was kind of surprised that it was on their mind because we had not talked about it that much. They said that they prayed for me while they were at school. One of the positive things that has already come of this is I have watched each child become more compassionate. They have become more mindful of me and of one another. Carson is so tough that he sometimes has a hard time understanding why another person would cry over this or that---because if it happened to him he wouldn't cry!!! He has said, "Mom I am sorry you have to go through this" and has shown empathy. Hopefully Chad and I are becoming more compassionate and empathetic ( and less pathetic) as well...
When the kids got home from school, they burst through the door and asked "How did the scan go?" I was kind of surprised that it was on their mind because we had not talked about it that much. They said that they prayed for me while they were at school. One of the positive things that has already come of this is I have watched each child become more compassionate. They have become more mindful of me and of one another. Carson is so tough that he sometimes has a hard time understanding why another person would cry over this or that---because if it happened to him he wouldn't cry!!! He has said, "Mom I am sorry you have to go through this" and has shown empathy. Hopefully Chad and I are becoming more compassionate and empathetic ( and less pathetic) as well...
Love IS the Best Medicine
We are so grateful to all those who have sent cards, flowers, well wishes, meals, goodies, and more. We are grateful for those who have watched our kids and cleaned our house. A funny story about the house cleaning thing: the day or so after we found out, we decided to get out of the house and go for a drive. Chad's mom and sister graciously offered to clean our house while we were gone. As we were leaving, my 9 year old's parting words to them were "Make it shine!" We got a good laugh about that.
After we discovered this cancer, Eden was over at a cousin's house playing. She turned her ankle a bit and reported to me that her cousin had put lotion on her ankle and rubbed it. She said, "After she rubbed it, it felt better." She then concluded "I guess love is the best medicine." That has become sort of a theme in our home now...Love Is The Best Medicine. I can attest to that--we have felt so loved and so taken care of by family members, friends, health care workers, and even strangers. THANK YOU for your love, kindness, and concern. We have definitely felt the healing power of our Heavenly Father's and Jesus' love through this process.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Surgery Update
I am 2 weeks out from surgery and got my drains removed today! They were definitely a nuisance, but I was grateful to have them. Apparently, back in the day, people used to have to stay in the hospital for a longer time hooked up to a machine that drained the fluid. I was pleasantly surprised that when the doctor pulled them out it just felt weird and not painful. I even drove the kids home from school and made dinner...so I am feeling quite well.
Some notes about the day of surgery that I would like to record--I definitely felt a calm and peace that was beyond me going into surgery. This scripture gave me strength as I thought of the Savior's words in John 14:27:
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
I also appreciate all those who have been fasting and praying on my behalf and feel that this contributed to the peace that I felt. I really appreciated having Chad there with me...He has been a rock through this all and I am grateful for his love, care, and support. (I think maybe he should change careers and become a home health nurse because he has done great these past 2 weeks:)
I was so appreciative of the kind nurses and doctors who took care of me. Upon being wheeled into the Operating Room (a first for me), the nurse that was helping me onto the table looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "We are going take good care of you!" She then gave me a hug and that's when my tears came. I was overwhelmed that this was "all in a day's work" for her and she still was able to provide comfort and show compassion. The anesthesiologist then said, "She's the hugger, and I am the drugger." The next thing I recall is waking up in the recovery room and I remember thinking, "That wasn't so bad--I wonder if it's possible to be under anesthesia for the next 6 months or so--just until chemotherapy was finished." I ran that idea past Chad and he didn't think it was such a good idea; however, I think it was worth a try.
I will share Chad's e-mail regarding the technical side to the surgery and what we have learned:
Some notes about the day of surgery that I would like to record--I definitely felt a calm and peace that was beyond me going into surgery. This scripture gave me strength as I thought of the Savior's words in John 14:27:
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
I also appreciate all those who have been fasting and praying on my behalf and feel that this contributed to the peace that I felt. I really appreciated having Chad there with me...He has been a rock through this all and I am grateful for his love, care, and support. (I think maybe he should change careers and become a home health nurse because he has done great these past 2 weeks:)
I was so appreciative of the kind nurses and doctors who took care of me. Upon being wheeled into the Operating Room (a first for me), the nurse that was helping me onto the table looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "We are going take good care of you!" She then gave me a hug and that's when my tears came. I was overwhelmed that this was "all in a day's work" for her and she still was able to provide comfort and show compassion. The anesthesiologist then said, "She's the hugger, and I am the drugger." The next thing I recall is waking up in the recovery room and I remember thinking, "That wasn't so bad--I wonder if it's possible to be under anesthesia for the next 6 months or so--just until chemotherapy was finished." I ran that idea past Chad and he didn't think it was such a good idea; however, I think it was worth a try.
I will share Chad's e-mail regarding the technical side to the surgery and what we have learned:
As you all know 2 weeks ago Jen was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. This was a huge shock given the fact she is only 34. I feel like it was nothing short of a miracle that we found her cancer at this time. If you are one who only "believes in science" to quote Steven from Nacho Libre I admonish you to reconsider. As one who has spent a fair amount of time studying science I am more convinced now than ever in my life that God is involved in our lives.
When it comes to cancer there are 2 big issues Grade and Stage:
Regarding GRADE: What we know at this time is that her tumor is a Grade 3 (Grade is how aggressive the tumor is.) Her tumor is also what is called a triple negative. (some tumors have proteins called receptors attached to them. There are three main proteins/receptors. Having these receptors is a good thing because they can use medications that target them specifically and that makes chemo more effective. Unfortunately Jen's tumor has none of the three (one disclaimer to that is that they based this info off of her original biopsy. Now that they have removed the tumor they will re-test it for the receptors. At times that info does change after the follow-up test.) To summarize she unfortunately has an aggressive tumor. She will start chemo in about 1 month.
Regarding STAGE: (how wide spread it is) Prior to surgery she had an MRI of her chest. This did not show any other sites of cancer except for the primary tumor. It did not show any chest wall involvement or axillary involvement. Her tumor appears to be 17 mm (on the imaging), they will measure the actual tumor now it is out. At the time of surgery they do what is called a sentinal lymph node biopsy. They use a radioactive isotope to locate the first few lymph nodes that drain the breast. They then remove them and look for cancer. They do some preliminary testing during the surgery. Her preliminary test were normal and they did not see any cancer in the lymph nodes. They will follow-up with some more sensitive testing to evaluate the nodes for very small clusters of cells in the lymph nodes. We were relieved that they were normal at the initial testing. In addition she is getting a PET scan in about a week to evaluate her entire body for any sign of cancer. Usually if the sentinal lymph node is normal further spread is very unlikely. At this point I am very hopeful that she will be at a Stage 1 but maybe it will be an early Stage 2. Overall we are feeling extremely blessed to have caught this tumor at this stage.
So going forward. She will recover from surgery for the next while. Start chemo in about a month. Chemo should last for about 5-6 months. We will get some additional info from the final pathology. We are still not sure whether she will need radiation or not, that will depend on the final pathology report.
Overall we are very tired, but optimistic. It has been a life changing 2 weeks. We feel truly blessed and have seen the hand of God in our life the past couple of weeks.
Thank you all for your support, prayers, and fasting. We have felt strength from it. We are confident and sure that God is at the helm. We have spent a lifetime developing trust in Him, and He has felt close the past couple of weeks. That trust has only been strengthened through this experience.
We love you all,
Chad and Jen
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