Fear Vs. Faith

Fear seems to come easily to me...It motivates many of my decisions--to wear a life jacket in a lake, to put on a seatbelt in a car,(and to insist that Chad and the kids do the same), to keep my hands at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel (and to gently and lovingly ask Chad to do the same:), to check and re-check my doors at night, to head for safety at the first signs of lightning.  In the cases, I just mentioned, I believe that fear has served me well.  However, I realize it also crosses the line at times and becomes a huge hindrance to my progression. I guess you could say I am a little like Bob Wiley in What About Bob when he is standing out on the dock to the lake.  They want him to go to the edge of the dock, and as he inches out closer to the edge he stops about 5 feet short of the actual edge and says "This is MY edge!"  My edge is about like that... (PS "What About Bob" is not the ONLY movie I have ever seen)

A funny story just came to mind that reveals a lot about my personality.  In high school, a well-meaning cousin (who shall remain nameless to protect her identity) encouraged me to go tanning with her.  I resisted at first citing various concerns including skin cancer, etc.  Well, somehow she talked me into it, and so I did what any teenager would do before going tanning would do--I applied sunscreen over my entire body!  I paid my $10 or whatever it was and laid in the tanning bed for no more than 60 seconds and jumped out and exclaimed "I can't do this!"  I felt that I was literally cooking my body!  A big waste of money, time, and sunscreen!!!

Needless to say that dealing with cancer and the treatments required is constantly pushing me over my edge!  I think that this is why I really liked the Mormon Message entitled "Courage".  It shows Esther when she decides to go and petition the king, on behalf of the Jews, despite the fact that doing such could mean a death sentence for her.  I like how they depict her in the short clip.  You can tell she is experiencing some fear and some trepidation.  She is taking deep breaths and nervously twisting a scarf in her hands, BUT she is moving forward with it.  She is experiencing some fear, but faith is winning that day because she is moving forward.  Faith IS forward.  Faith and fear can coexist, but is it our FAITH that must rule the day and move us forward.  An Apostle of the Lord, Quentin L. Cook put it this way.

"Our doctrine is clear; we are to be positive and of good cheer. We emphasize our faith, not our fears. We rejoice in the Lord’s assurance that He will stand by us and give us guidance and direction.^2"

We must emphasize our faith and not our fears!  I have felt this fear/faith pendulum swing widely throughout this process.  I will never forget that Tuesday night when my fear was at its height--I wanted to go backwards, shrink, hide, and run.  Obviously fear ruled that day.  But then the morning came, and manna from heaven in the form of a Mormon Message came bolstering my faith and reminding me of the love of my Father in Heaven--- giving me the strength to move forward with increased faith.